What does volunteering mean for me and the refugees?

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Of course at first people were glad to see me because of what I brought, but before long I got to know the people and they began to know me. We enjoyed our contact. We pantomimed through our first communications, used the few words we knew in each other's languages, and got others to interpret whenever possible. Kids tried on clothing, I drew outlines of their feet to try to get them shoes that fit and I made lists of children's ages and sizes. We laughed a lot together, and before long friendships bloomed.

From the very first I felt motivated to volunteer for what were in part selfish motives. I wanted friends from other cultures. I felt deprived because I had never had the opportunity to know African people, and I was deeply disturbed by what was happening to people in Darfur, Somalia, Rwanda, and many other places torn up by wars and internal conflicts. I thought I would feel better if I could participate in some of those people's experience of beginning new lives in Vermont, and I thought maybe having an American friend might help them make the transition. I did really want to help, but I assumed I would get a great deal out of the experience for myself, and that has been true beyond my imagination.

It's interesting to think about what makes volunteering sustainable over the long haul. New refugees need a lot of help. Their needs can feel overwhelming to volunteers, and there are so many challenges to our usual ways thinking and functioning that it can get uncomfortable. Some of us may not find it easy to say no, to set limits, and to feel OK about taking care of ourselves sometimes instead of prioritizing refugee needs. All these issues are important and have to be worked out.

But I think a big part of sustaining volunteer activities over time is finding things to do that we enjoy, that are fun for us, and that make us feel good. The happier we are in what we do, the more likely others will enjoy us and the greater the chances of making real and lasting friendships. I enjoy children a lot, and so getting to spend time with, know and love a bunch of them has been really satisfying for me. And they love me back, and that is touching and nourishing for me.

I have beautiful Somali Bantu style dresses that were made especially for me. My living room is brightened by an embroidered ceiling hanging made for me by a Somali Bantu friend. I have loosened up (something my family and friends never thought would happen) about time, about staying up late when I have to get up early the next day and about being flexible about surprising changes to what I thought was going to happen.

Being with people seems more important now than staying on a schedule. My feeling of being in community is bigger and warmer than ever before. After recent surgery I had a steady stream of former refugee visitors who stopped by to see me, expecting nothing from me, but just showing up to care and keep me company. My awareness of how many Americans really want to help the newcomers has grown immeasurably and is reassuring and encouraging to me. I feel touched by how much people are willing to give when they know what's needed.

Many issues that seemed black and white to me before volunteering seem complex and multi-layered to me now, and it is easier for me to recognize how imbedded I am in my own culture and to remember to try to see things from another perspective. As a white, middle-class liberal I always knew intellectually that racism in Vermont existed, but I didn’t see it myself in my daily life. How would I, as a white woman with almost no black friends? But now, as a friend to black African people and an honorary grandmother to 10 Somali Bantu kids (with one more on the way soon), I am exposed to it regularly (though thankfully not frequently) and my understanding has become personal and visceral. This, while painful, is something I needed.

When my families made the decision to resettle in a country far from their own and when I made the choice to become a volunteer with VRRP, we had no idea how our lives would change. The ongoing pleasure I get from my developing relationships, and, yes, from being able to help with this enormous undertaking, has sustained me for over four years, and will, I believe, for a long time to come.

Lauren Berrizbeitia has been a VRRP volunteer for more than four years now.

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